Mikael O on Learning Control

Sometimes as a writer you read something and think, "Gosh, I wish I had written that." Such was the case with a post I saw recently on an online discussion group.

Newcomers to extended edging, after learning about the practice and deciding they want this, invariably face the hurdle of HOW to reverse a lifetime of ingrained patterns. One such novice posted, "I can use all the encouragement I can get since I've only been able to go for a week at best in the past. I have much to learn."

Another member, who goes by the handle "Mikael O" posted a spot-on reply. He has graciously granted me permission to publish his advice here in its entirety:
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There are two different ways that an edging man can miss achieving the goal of long-duration ejaculatory denial.

The first of these happens when he misjudges the point of no return and slips over the edge into an unintended but unstoppable ejaculatory reflex. If it happens, don't beat yourself up over it. The vast majority of us still have an accidental ejaculation from time to time. Don't view them as failures, but view making them fewer and farther between as successes. Edging is a skill that takes practice to master.

Meanwhile, try to hover a little less close to the edge until you learn better control. Also, keep all internal sexual and anal musculature consciously and completely relaxed while you are in this state. This is counterintuitive, but it will allow you to feel the very beginnings of any reflex and stop or slow stimulation in time to head off ejaculation. If you hold the muscles tensed in what amounts to being part-way into the first contraction, you'll miss the clues and be prone to accidents. Relax everything instead, then keep it relaxed while you learn to bask in the state of orgasmic bliss found just this side of the physical contractions of ejaculation.

The second way that an edging man can miss his long-term goal is when he lets the physiological drive to ejaculate overwhelm his good intentions to edge and deny. Drunk on desire, he gives in and says, "To heck with this! I'm gonna make myself cum!" This is not an accident. As a true failure of willpower, it makes the edger feel disappointed in himself afterward. If this is a problem for you as a novice edger, you're not alone.

One good way to train yourself away from the urge to give in is to practice stopping abruptly without regard to your state of arousal. Before each session, choose a firm time limit. You can either set a timer or watch a clock, but you must stop cold upon reaching the limit -- regardless of whether you're building toward an edge, on the edge, between edges, or haven't even reached an edge. When the time expires, hands off immediately, zip it up, and go about your day -- until your next session, anyway. These exercises will teach you that it's not about what you want at any given moment. It's about sublimating the short-term want for the long-term goal, and it builds willpower quickly.

Good luck with it.

Mikael O

10 comments:

  1. I find it very difficult to stop abruptly and also have beaten myself up over the fact that in over three years I've not had so many accidents as I did the other night when I cum three times within three hours. I'm so aggravated with myself over spoiling my good record. I've actually edged 16 hours straight before and now I'm so disappointed this happened. I'm VERY careful now and have avoided cumming for one week.

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  2. Thanks for the good advice on not beating myself up over my episode of accidentally cumming three times in three hours last week. I've bee feeling sad about it ever since because I have a good record of being able to edge for many days and once edged for 16 hours straight. But I actually do like to ride the edge continuously but this has become dangerous to me because I'm now afraid I'm accident prone. I'm trying to get back on track so that I can beat my 16 hour record. Any more suggestions?

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  3. If you don't cum, what makes you stop at the end of an edging session?

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  4. Editor's Note: (See comment above.)

    Interesting question. It can get addictive and you can get a little carried away. Or a lot carried away.

    Much of the time I will stop when I run out of time, because there is some other demand on my time or I need to head for bed. Sometimes I will stop because I simply need to take a break from the session (I may or may not return to it).

    - Show Joe

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  5. The last comment about getting carried away is a fact. I have been taken to the extreme with long bouts of edging that I don't care to do anything else. I don't want to put clothes on and I feel that I would be better off becoming a masturbation slave. Have you ever heard of this?

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  6. I usually don't care about doing anything else either I am retired so my time is my own but I find I spend more and more time of it edging. Never like to leave home anymore except to shop and maintain my house. I find edging to be VERY addictive but it doesn't really matter that much to me anymore. I try to stay as close as possible for hours each day and have been very successful for all of this year. JUst fell over the edge 3 or 4 times since January 1 and each time was just minor accidental spurts of a few drops. Nothing major. Life is good for me and I hope to continue well into the future. Good luck to you Thomas Singleton and don't worry about how much time your habit consumes as long as you get essentials taken care of. Enjoy the edge!

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  7. I don't care about doing anything else either but it's okay. Enjoy this amazing gift of nature. I enjoy edging many hours a day everyday. I have become very accomplished at edging and usually do not cum for many days at a time. It has become very routine for me to stay within 1/4 second continuously without an accident but I must admit sometimes there are surprises. Love to goon and am strictly solosexual. I had reservations about cum denial last year because I became involved with a man online who encouraged me to abandon this practice. I now agree with Show Joe and Mike V and some of the others and I avoid ejaculation except when it just can't be helped. At that point I have learned to experience ruined orgasms. I have not had a complete release in many moons and I don't intend to do so. I enjoy being at the same point as I was when I stopped during the previous session. Edging and Cum Denial is definitely the way to go. Do not be concerned about being a masturbation slave because many, many men are chronic masturbators but keep this a secret. Personally, I could not possibly care less who know about my sexual habit and I believe it frees me of all the stress of keeping it a secret. Guilt is much moire harmful than edging. Keep it hard and throbbing. Most of all, enjoy!

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  8. I've been edging for two days off and on successfully without an incident. My cock is throbbing and so close a feather could cause me to fall over the edge. Taking a break to write this so I can calm down a bit. I absolutely cannot stop edging and have no control whatsoever except to pretty much know when to stop for a few moments to avoid ejaculation. Of course I'm not perfect and it pisses me off to have any type of surprise. I guess I'm just lucky that I do as well as I do. Edging is so amazing and cum denial is awesome! Thanks to Show Joe and Mike V and others for all the encouragement last year. I'm sure no pro like you guys but I'm improving daily. Ray

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  9. Doing better and better with edging. I want to start using my Fleshlight again. I will start by using it for maybe a minute in the beginning. I struggled with many accidents in the past with Fleshlight but I want to go deeper and deeper into edging techniques. Fleshlight is dangerous for me but I want to test my ability to control ejaculation. Today I used it for about 30 seconds then went back to the hand edging I enjoy so much. Do you think I'm pressing my luck too far? I'll stop using it if you think it's a bad idea! Ray

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  10. Edged today for 5 hours this morning and now for 3 hours this evening. Very fortunate again today with no accidental minor spillage nor full release unexpectedly. I think nature protects me in some way because I stay within 1/4 second of ejaculation all the time. What an amazing gift of nature and all I can say is Hail Penis! Love male porn but have no desire for sex with another man. I enjoy seeing men masturbate which excites me endlessly. Thanks for keeping this blog alive as I don't hear much from anyone here anymore. C'mon guys contribute to the discussion. Ray

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