Mikael O on Learning Control

Sometimes as a writer you read something and think, "Gosh, I wish I had written that." Such was the case with a post I saw recently on an online discussion group.

Newcomers to extended edging, after learning about the practice and deciding they want this, invariably face the hurdle of HOW to reverse a lifetime of ingrained patterns. One such novice posted, "I can use all the encouragement I can get since I've only been able to go for a week at best in the past. I have much to learn."

Another member, who goes by the handle "Mikael O" posted a spot-on reply. He has graciously granted me permission to publish his advice here in its entirety:

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There are two different ways that an edging man can miss achieving the goal of long-duration ejaculatory denial.

The first of these happens when he misjudges the point of no return and slips over the edge into an unintended but unstoppable ejaculatory reflex. If it happens, don't beat yourself up over it. The vast majority of us still have an accidental ejaculation from time to time. Don't view them as failures, but view making them fewer and farther between as successes. Edging is a skill that takes practice to master.

Meanwhile, try to hover a little less close to the edge until you learn better control. Also, keep all internal sexual and anal musculature consciously and completely relaxed while you are in this state. This is counterintuitive, but it will allow you to feel the very beginnings of any reflex and stop or slow stimulation in time to head off ejaculation. If you hold the muscles tensed in what amounts to being part-way into the first contraction, you'll miss the clues and be prone to accidents. Relax everything instead, then keep it relaxed while you learn to bask in the state of orgasmic bliss found just this side of the physical contractions of ejaculation.

The second way that an edging man can miss his long-term goal is when he lets the physiological drive to ejaculate overwhelm his good intentions to edge and deny. Drunk on desire, he gives in and says, "To heck with this! I'm gonna make myself cum!" This is not an accident. As a true failure of willpower, it makes the edger feel disappointed in himself afterward. If this is a problem for you as a novice edger, you're not alone.

One good way to train yourself away from the urge to give in is to practice stopping abruptly without regard to your state of arousal. Before each session, choose a firm time limit. You can either set a timer or watch a clock, but you must stop cold upon reaching the limit -- regardless of whether you're building toward an edge, on the edge, between edges, or haven't even reached an edge. When the time expires, hands off immediately, zip it up, and go about your day -- until your next session, anyway. These exercises will teach you that it's not about what you want at any given moment. It's about sublimating the short-term want for the long-term goal, and it builds willpower quickly.

Good luck with it.

Mikael O