Climax = Anticlimax

I am regularly asked, when I mention that I deny my ejaculation, "Don't you like to cum?" Well, yes. It's not that I don't like to cum. But I like NOT cumming more than I like cumming. I don't want the intense sensations to end.

My cock is certainly capable of cumming. He is neurologically hard wired to cum. Our culture has trained him to cum. But I now prefer to contain that energy. I can assure you Day 55 feels more intense than Day 45, which felt more intense than Day 35. I am not into austerity or chastity. My choice to deliberately deny my cum has nothing to do with self-reproach or "doing without." To the contrary, I do it for one reason only, and that is that it increases the intensity of sensation every time I edge.

You reach a point where you crave the edge more than you crave the orgasm. My cock, the separate being, wants to cum. But I don't want to cum.

The sensations build over the hours and days. An orgasm (a few seconds of intensity at most) brings it all shattering to an end. Fifteen seconds of ejaculation, no matter how powerful, cannot compare to the hours of ever-increasing sensations resulting from extended edging and cum denial.

Eventually the body breaks the stalemate and unloads itself, whether I want it or not. This eventual and inevitable ejaculation is never the intense blowout one might imagine. Contrary to what non-edgers tend to believe, the dissipation of that built-up energy never feels proportionate to the energy itself. We do not have the massive cums they imagine us to have.

Those unfamiliar with this will often say to me, "I'll bet you build up huge loads." Often just the opposite is true. The body gets so geared to holding back that it can't just open the flood gates.

I would urge you to abandon seeing orgasm as some sort of reward that is bestowed upon you when you have successfully deprived yourself long enough. Orgasm is a fifteen second flash in the pan, after which the party is over. That cannot compare to the intense highs available through uncummed edging. If this were not most certainly the case, I would shoot my load every day or two, and I would not waste my time writing these essays.

You reach a point where cumming becomes a disappointment, ending the exotic head trip and body trip that has taken weeks to build up. It is like an addict pulling the needle out of the vein.

When I have lost my load earlier than I wanted on an extended run, it is a feeling similar to panic. The orgasm is unwanted, and is always followed by a sense of disappointment and even depression. It is like my body has betrayed me. A hollow letdown. A few empty seconds that pales by comparison to the weeks of edging. The frustration of having to say "I am now on Day One or Day Two." The loss of all that built-up energy.

There is a degree of basic physiology at play here as well. Ejaculation depletes male energy. How many women have been frustrated when their man shoots his load and immediately falls asleep. Even as a youngster masturbating in my early teens, I felt a certain letdown when I came. Sometimes it felt like a depression, and I have heard many men describe a similar depression immediately after ejaculation.

I have often said I would just as soon never cum again. It is not worth the trade off. But sooner or later the cock unloads itself and for a long-term edger the climax is anticlimactic. Sooner or later it happens, so it might as well be later.