Welcome

Latest update added: May 22, 2013

This site is a series of essays (ramblings) on the topic of protracted cock edging and extended cum denial, and may be of interest to others looking to intensify their experience with cock.  I only post updates if I have something to say.

I manipulate the date stamps of these posts to force newer entries to the bottom of the page, so the reader doesn't face the awkward backward reading that most blogs require.  There is also a sequential index in the right column.

Note to would-be spammers:  Comments here are moderated, so don't waste your time or mine posting ads for your websites or other personal agenda.

I can be contacted at: show_joe_00 @ yahoo.com  (I have more than one blog, so don't just say "I saw your blog" - specify Edging Blog, or I won't know which blog you are referring to.)

Show Joe

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For returning visitors:

Over the years, the blog had gotten a bit disjointed.  So I have revised a few of the posts and re-sequenced some of them to read in a more logical order.

New entries:
Why?  (A brief overview to introduce the blog to newcomers)
Frequently Asked Questions

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You might be interested in another blog I maintain:

"Mind of the Exhibitionist" is a gallery of exhibitionists I have interacted with and thoughts about their mindset.  It can be accessed at http://ComplexMen.blogspot.com.

Why?

Why indeed.  Why would any red-blooded male want to avoid orgasm and ejaculation?  This blog covers two related but separate topics:  "Extreme Edging" and "Cum Denial."  A quick look at each:

Edging:

I became an edger several years before adding extended cum denial to the recipe.  Quite simply, the point is to make the sensations last longer.  Given the choice between five minutes of pleasure or two hours of pleasure, it became a no-brain choice.

Extended Cum Denial:

Why would anybody want to do this?  Most men I talk to seem to grasp the rationale for postponing ejaculation to extend the duration of pleasure.  But to deliberately end a session without ejaculation?  What the fuck?  This is the question I field most often.

When I first happened upon the concept of extended cum denial, I was skeptical at the least.  It struck me as something a monk would practice in a monastery, like a vow of poverty, a self-flagellating vow of chastity.  An austerity.  Something to do with purity.  The word "denial" held no appeal, unless one is embarked on some kind of sacrificial path.

Make no mistake, I am a totally obsessed, addicted cock freak.  This has nothing to do with austerity or purity, and everything to do with intensity.  This is not hands-off chastity, but fully hands-on active masturbation.  When you actively masturbate but deny the cock its expected release, the sexual tension grows, the intensity of sensation increases.  Between cock sessions, you are energized and sexually aware.  Rather than denying the cock, we intensify the cock.  That, boys, is worth the price of admission.

An online friend wrote, on the occasion of having passed 150 days without ejaculation, "It has been an INCREDIBLE experience no man should go without - at least once!"  Mind you, this was 150 days of active masturbation, not 150 days of drought.  Those of us who practice cum denial do it for a reason, and believe me the reason is lustful, horny, and intensely sexual.

Edging

Edging is the art of masturbating your cock to the edge of cumming, but not letting it spill over the brink.  You keep the sensations going and building over time, prolonging the pleasure.

Observers of my web cam sometimes ask how this is possible.  They say they simply can't last like that.  Learning to edge your cock begins with a basic reversal of mindset.  Most men accept the assumption that the goal of stroking is to cum.  The goal of edging is NOT to cum.

Your cock will tell you otherwise, and this is where most men fail.  A cock wants to cum and an edger refuses the demand.  You're gonna cum sooner or later, so it might as well be later so you can enjoy longer the work your cock was born to do.  After a few minutes, the immediate urge to cum will subside and you level out into something really pleasant.

Most edgers I have spoken to use a rise and fall technique.  They stroke and let the feeling build till they are almost ready to cum, then they back off and let things die down.  Once the urge to cum is under control, they begin the process again, repeatedly stopping or backing off to postpone cumming.  Again, the goal must be not to cum, or you'll get carried away.

Personally, I no longer use this rise and fall technique.  With practice two things develop over time:  you learn exactly how your cock reacts and you learn that the urge to cum can be ignored.  I prefer to build my cock to the edge of cumming and keep it there, instead of repeatedly backing down.

I suppose what I do could be considered a series of mini rise and fall cycles.  I build the feelings close to the edge, but instead of stopping and letting the pleasure die off, I just pause for a few seconds and stroke again.  Stroke, pause, stroke, pause, constantly pushing my cock into The Zone.

In addition to mental control, with practice you develop muscle control as well.  If you were pissing and wanted to cut off the flow before you were finished, you'd know what muscles to tighten.  The same muscle tightening will hold back your cum.  I read somewhere that you can exercise these muscles throughout the day, squeezing like you are cutting off a piss while driving or at work, but I seldom remember to do it.

I edge my cock for hours and the sensations build in layers, level upon level until I am literally moaning outloud.  Your cock will leak precum.  Several levels up the spiral your muscles will be fighting, your hand urging your cock forward while the muscles fight to hold back.  It will drive you wild and you'll wonder how you ever settled for a quickie in the past.

I regularly masturbate on web cam, and the practice was instrumental in initially learning to edge.  I found I could edge much longer when on cam, because there are distractions and interruptions that lend themselves to the stroke-pause cycle I use.  I type to buddies and observers (you become proficient at one-handed typing), I click on cams and messages, the busy work helped.

I cam on Yahoo Messenger under the screen name show_joe_00.

I encourage any man to learn how to edge his cock.  A non-edger never experiences his cock's potential.

Who Controls Who?

The majority of men are unable to stroke their cocks for any length of time without cumming.  They express a certain amazement toward edgers who can prolong the pleasure for hours, holding back at will.  Their cocks run the show and they soon reach a point of no return, climax and the good times are over.

When we first learned to masturbate, most of us had to do so in secret, and the fear of being caught led us to get done with it quickly.  With a child's lack of impulse control, we let our cocks take us on a wild, out of control ride.  Premature ejaculation is something we taught ourselves in junior high school.

It is apparent that the cock is controlling the man, and not the other way around.  It order to edge your cock for an extended session, you have to reverse this balance of power.  You do not ask your cock's permission to do so.

Here is what works for me.  The concept may seem a bit strange, but most edgers I have talked to think this way.

Most edgers think of their cock as a being separate from themselves.  A being that they take ownership of, like a slave under their control and at their mercy.  We refer to him in the third person, this separate being that is ours to use.  Some of us even give him a name to further promote the separation.

You take him in hand and at the outset sentence him to a long session.  He demands to cum.  You do not accept demands.  He begs to cum, but you refuse the request.  You interrupt the stroking, he insists you resume, but you ignore his ultimatum.  He is your possession.  He eventually learns to accept this servitude.

I will stroke for hours then stop without cumming, putting him to bed hungry, asserting my control over him.  (The next session is just that much more intense.)  If that seems incomprehensible, you may want to reassess just who is controlling who.  If you can't imagine NOT cumming, it is probably because your cock would never allow it, which is exactly my point.

When your cock is a separate being, subject to your control, receiving only the sensations that you allow, it opens unlimited possibilities for intense and prolonged pleasure sessions.

Two Kinds of Edging

I have not posted anything new to this series for some time, feeling I had said what I wanted to say. But I have some new ideas that warrant discussion.

I have found myself practicing two forms of edging, which I refer to as closed and open edging. Or clenched versus relaxed edging.

My earlier posts here described closed or clenched edging. The muscles you use to clamp off a stream of piss are the same muscles you use to resist cumming. I spoke of urging the cock to want to cum, then feeling the muscles fight to hold back. This is certainly a worthwhile way to spend an afternoon.

But I have evolved into a second technique of edging that has its place in other circumstances. Instead of clenching down the muscles to control the urge to cum, I do just the opposite, basically opening the gates wide open and trying to keep the sex muscles relaxed.

Here' how it works. When I get really close to spilling, instead of clamping down the muscles to control the cum, I just interrupt the stroke and relax to let the momentary urgency subside. Instead of locking the gates, the gates are open but I just don't push the cum all the way to the gates.

Here's another way I look at it. Imagine a ball on a plank that you can tilt back and forth. (Or imagine cum on the plank.) The ball runs downhill and nears the end of the plank. If the ball rolls off the end of the plank, that is the equivalent of cumming. With closed/clenching edging, you lock down and essentially put a barrier on the plank to prevent the ball from spilling over. With open/relaxed edging, when the ball nears the end of the plank, you tip the plank back slightly, so the ball doesn't spill over.

Open/relaxed edging is delicious, because the gates are always open. I love giving my sex muscles the exotic workout of prolonged closed edging, pushing the muscles past their limits. But at other times, I love the wide open feeling of open edging.

More Thoughts on Closed vs Open Edging

Just a few more thoughts on closed edging vs open edging. This is a little diversion you may find interesting.

Closed edging is when you clamp down to avoid cumming. Open edging is when you leave the gates open, but don't push yourself far enough to spill. See my earlier discussion for details.

Try this:

Now and then when you need to piss, hold off a little longer. Become aware of the muscles that contain it. Enjoy the male pressure. Then sit on the toilet to piss, so you can be relaxed. This is like the state of closed edging.

Here's a way to approximate the sensation of open edging. After you have pissed, you will feel the muscle clamp back down to seal things off. After this happens, deliberately relax the muscle again, as if you are allowing yourself to piss again, even though you are empty.

I love this feeling. Your cock will feel all wet inside. Don't know how else to describe it, but you will enjoy it. I'll bet some of you will start sitting down to piss.

Extended Denial

Cum denial is power.

Over the past several months I have taken my edging to a new level. Everything I have written to this point has been about edging in terms of individual sessions. Stroking for hours before unloading.

In recent months I have begun practicing extended cum denial, and the benefits are exotic. Instead of cumming at the end of an edging session, I deny the cum, accumulating days and days without release.

This practice creates an ever-increasing sexual energy that is difficult to describe if you've never experienced it personally. It takes a few days to get there. One edge buddy described it as having the brake and the gas pedal both mashed to the floorboard. What an exotic contradiction is edging.

Because I'm not cumming at the end of a long edge session, my cock is never entirely out of my thoughts for one moment. After a few days, you find yourself living in a sexually energized state. Males of every age around you seem to radiate sexuality. I love simply going to Wal-mart, where every man in every aisle seems sexualized. Life becomes sexual, even when you are not actively masturbating.

The practices of Kama Sutra and tantric yoga both describe this phenomenon, deliberately denying ejaculation after deliberately urging the cock to want to cum. This concept has been around for a long time. It is the principle I have described earlier, where the goal is NOT to cum, just carried to its next logical level.

It is a man's nature to cum. Extended cum retention defies this physiology and the results are extraordinary. It is a feeling of power - both power over one's own cock, and the powerful energy that builds in your balls and groin.

I feel like this description is rather inadequate to convey what this experience is like. I had intended to write in more detail, but I don't know what else to say. If you have tried edging for single sessions, you will probably understand the concept here. To work with this, you must understand that the goal is not to cum, and that the cock's urgency to cum anyway can be overruled.

Solosexuality

A couple of years ago I read someone's blog entry that said he did not consider himself to be heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual. He described himself as "solosexual," that his primary sexual focus was his own cock.

Since then I have chatted with any number of men who apply the same term to themselves, a conscious preference for self masturbation. I am solosexual.

No one can do you like you can do yourself. Once you achieve a certain level of edging, you reach a point where no one else can possibly monitor the delicate balance required to maintain a prolonged edge without a decrease in the intensity of the sensations. I regularly edge for hours at a time and there is simply no way another person could sustain me that long.

I received an email a while back from a man who said he was unable to "last" as long with his girlfriend as when working his cock solo. He said, "Masturbation is pretty much my only outlet." I replied that I would not consider masturbation to be an "only outlet." It sounded like his primary sexuality was solosex, and sex with the girlfriend was secondary.

I have chatted online with any number of edgers who say their partners cannot take them to the level they can take themselves. I've watched videos of cocks being "edged" by another person, but these are invariably more teasing sessions than the level of sensation I have been describing in this blog. The person controlling the subject's cock must make sure to contain the level of stimulation, stopping frequently to avoid pushing the cock too far. There seems always to be a trade-off between pushing too far (and losing one's load prematurely) and not pushing far enough (and not attaining that heightened level of bliss that a man's cock is capable of).

It also seems to me that most partners would grow bored manipulating another cock for hours on end while the recipient rides the edge. Perhaps a more satisfying partnership would be two people who choose to edge themselves side by side.

I still watch videos and porn. I love nothing more than chatting on Yahoo Messenger while I edge my cock on cam. (I accept all buddy requests - Yahoo ID: show_joe_00.) But I am no longer searching for someone to do for me what ultimately I can only do for myself. The solosexuals I have chatted with consistently describe how liberating it is to no longer place such expectations on another, and to simply accept that masturbation is their preferred sexual activity.

No one can do you like you can do yourself. The issue is not lack of a partner, but the lack of NEED for a partner.

Insights from Paulo

Paulo from Rio de Janeiro is a member of an edging and cum denial online group that I participate in. Simply put, no one knows more about the subject than Paulo. He does not post often, but when he does speak always has something germane and instructive to say. I am always impressed with his insights.

The quotes here were culled from his posts to the edging/denial group, our email exchanges, and a blog he used to have. Some items here are sentence fragments, extracted from whatever context he happened to be writing about. Some items are random sentences that concisely distill into a few words some basic truth. English is a second language for him, so there are occasional lapses in grammar, but his meaning is unmistakable.

There is no particular flow here, just a potpourri of random wisdom.

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Delaying ejaculation is a philosophy, a lifestyle.

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Masturbating without the intention to cum.

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Preparing my body to ejaculate. I will go on edging and preparing my body to have an orgasm that will never happen.
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When the urge NOT TO CUM is stronger than the urge to cum.

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Cock would certainly cum if I let it happen. Cheerfully, he can't do it by himself. He needs a helping hand (literally). Personally, I always prefer not to cum. This difference between us is what makes Cock a separate being of me. He wants to cum, I don't. Perhaps in his deepest willing he also doesn't....

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Cock will have to wait unrelieved meanwhile I relieve my urge not to cum.
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Having in mind that you are not going to cum (by making a previous decision) is important to banish the doubt from mind and keep you free to edge. Such decision can be made on a day-by-day basis.
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The Romans already knew that some things should be left to the next day. Therefore they created the word procrastinate. There is no better term to define how I deal with ejaculation. I procrastinate.
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The difference between a frustrating ending and a rewarding continuation.

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Masturbating, enjoying and NOT cumming unleashes a lot of energy within me. If I don't do so I feel frustrated and unfulfilled. The urge to edge and avoid ejaculation is real as well as the urge to cum. The question is: what fulfills me more? Not cumming or cumming?

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Deciding not to cum during a specific amount of time feels liberating. When I do so; I no longer am tormented by the doubt that tortures most edgers: “To cum or no to cum?” I know I’m not going to cum. So I am free to enjoy the process of edging in its entire plenitude. It is not the same feeling as when I go one day without shooting, and then the next; step by step.

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When I think that cum denial is wrong, making me act like a sexual maniac and this is not a socially accepted behavior, I get even more excited.

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I'm not forbidden to cum, I just don't want to.
My uncummed cock feels awesome and I'm masturbating like crazy!
After enjoying myself for a long, long while; I choose to stop holding the precious load within.
Proud, fulfilled and happy I carry the seed of a next soon session with me.
No matter how many times I masturbate, am always ready for more.
And more, and more, too much is not enough, I need more...
Ejaculating wouldn't satisfy my edging instinct.
Because when I'm about to cum; I always prefer to stop.

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Edging can be a fantastic source of satisfaction. Experiencing the eminence of an orgasm, just the eminence, without triggering the process of ejaculation is a good beginning. But there is plenty more to be discovered. Edging time after time during a lot of time; overflows our blood system with sexual hormones. The consequence is euphoria. Masturbating becomes a purpose of life. Many people believe that this is all they can get from masturbation; so they finally cum. Only the experts know that this is only the beginning. That state of euphoria can be swallowed and transformed into a deeper state of excitement. The frequency of “almost orgasms” can be increased until there is no gap between them. The eminence of orgasm becomes almost permanent.

The continuation of the exercise extinguishes the resistances of our body. Our space-time notions dim and all we sense is a tremendous amount of energy flowing inside us. Some people call it bliss; I call it a kind of contemplation. Anyway, nourishing that never ending ecstasy becomes THE purpose of life.

This kind of extreme joy doesn’t require ejaculation. It can be extended during long periods of time and finished without wasting a single drop of sperm. The unrelieved sexual desire will certainly involve another masturbation. It is up to you to decide if you want to cum or restart playing again.

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Tips for beginners, read this before every masturbation session:

1)Remember the way you decided to stop: unejaculated. This includes a few seconds of frustration followed by a long-lasting compensation.

2)No matter how long you masturbate, it will never be long enough to make you feel satisfied. So schedule a next soon session and transfer the hope of relief to it. Always the next.

3)Set an alarm to less than the time you know you can hold ejaculation. Stop masturbating by the second it rings. Increase the number of sessions if necessary.

4)Start slowly. At the beginning the cock is more sensitive and has to get used to stimulation. Self control has also to be recalibrated.

5)Focus on your state of excitement, not on the wish to cum. Stopping before getting too close is the rule. Restarting over and over and over and over and over and over will make you goon anyway.

6)Piss frequently. The urge to piss is commonly misinterpret by the urge to cum.

7)Stop if you feel tired or losing control.

8)Perform non sexual activities between sessions.

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Going a few days without edging has two major side effects:
1) Refreshing the desire
2) Increasing the [sensitivity]

Masturbating again after the pause feels terrific; however, one has to be cautious with the risk of having an undesired ejaculation. So here go my suggestions.
1) Decide the way you want to stop before starting. If you want to remain uncummed say it loud "I will finish this session uncummed".
2) Start slowly. You are anxious to start and your penis is extra sensitive. So I strongly recommend you not to edge for a while. Just make your penis get hard and keep it hard for a long while. Let it (him) get used to the touch of your hand again. There is no hurry. In fact, prolonging is the deal. You will have all the time in the world to edge IF you don't cum now. Not edging now means edging more in the future; much more.
3) Stay focused. Although you want to enjoy the pleasure of edging, you should first learn to enjoy the pleasure of NOT CUMMING. The pleasure of edging will follow. But the main focus must be not to cum.
4) Interrupt the hand job from time to time. Keep in mind you are not stopping, just splitting the session into several parts.
5) Piss frequently. The urge to piss is commonly felt as the urge to cum.
6) Don't exceed you resistances. Stop if you feel tired or uncomfortable. Learn to enjoy the pleasure leaving your hungry uncummed cock alone. Learn to enjoy it! Regain your resistances and start playing again.

No-Touch Denial

In keeping with the spirit of this topic, I am wearing an athletic cup as I write.


I want to address here a form of denial with which I am only marginally familiar. I pretend no particular expertise on the subject, beyond my own experiments.

Everything I have written here has involved extended masturbation without ejaculation. But I regularly communicate with men who wear cock cages - cum denial resulting from cock denial. Denial of ejaculation by means of temporary celibacy. A cock cage consists of a hinged ring (like a handcuff) that is secured around the base of the cock and balls, snuggly enough that the bulk of cock and balls prevents it from slipping off. The soft cock is inserted into a sheath that is then attached to the base ring. This sheath is only large enough to accommodate the flaccid cock, pointed downward, but not large enough to allow an erection. These devices can accept a small padlock to prevent removal, and these men sometimes have someone acting as keyholder controlling the duration of confinement.

The keyholder may be a sexual partner who continues to enjoy sexual satisfaction while their caged counterpart is forbidden even an erection, the caged man often required to service his partner sexually. The dominant/submissive dynamic can be quite powerful. Other caged men I interact with have no one physically preventing release, but use the device nonetheless as they find the celibacy erotic.



A while back in one of the online groups I follow, someone posted about wearing an athletic cup, which inspired me to go out and get one of my own. I now own three. I go through phases with them, but occasionally put one on when I am not actively masturbating. It is an emblem of my control over self and of my cock's servitude, like putting an instrument or toy back in its case when not in use. It is strangely satisfying to wear.

I have cups in child, youth and adult sizes, which I interchange. The smallest fits over my balls and requires my cock to be forced downward. Any erection is thwarted, pressing against my balls. The youth size allows for some expansion, but still prevents a full erection. I wear the adult size the least.

Besides controlling erections, the cup has the added effect of disallowing me to touch my cock. When I reach down I encounter that hard, unforgiving cup.

I have found that my cups are more comfortable with tighter underwear, rather than looser, as it holds the cup more snugly against the body. What seems to work best for me is stretchy elastic/Lycra underwear, which gently pulls the cup against my body without the constriction and discomfort of feeling that my underwear is too tight.

Wearing a cup makes me glaringly aware of my cock at all times. In normal attire, it is easy to get involved or distracted and temporarily forget the presence of your cock. The cup causes me to maintain a near-constant awareness of my maleness. Far from being emasculating, I find it makes me more male, because my maleness never leaves my consciousness. The cup will not make you less of a man, and I assume those who wear cages experience something similar.

I have also found that wearing an athletic cup is a way of communing with all the athletes and laborers over time who have encased their maleness in a cup. At any given moment around the world, there will be hundreds of professional, amateur and scholastic athletes of all ages whose cocks are cradled inside a cup. Wearing one myself places me in communion with them.

On occasion, instead of an athletic cup, I will substitute a condiment cup, a small bowl intended for serving salad dressing on the side (usually found in the gadget aisle of a housewares department). Available in more than one size/depth, most have a thick rim that will not cut into the skin when placed under tight underwear. With my cock soft, I place the cup over his cockhead and press the bowl down to his base, as if "telescoping" him. Tight underwear holds the bowl in place. This leaves the balls exposed and prevents erection.



Another form of no-touch denial I have used and sometimes find satisfying does not involve the use of an athletic cup. Instead, I will watch web cams and engage in sexual chat, fully naked but deliberately not touching or stroking myself. This can be highly erotic, watching other men work their maleness while mine must remain a helpless observer. The sexual energy builds, and the awareness of that energy is powerful.

The point of this discussion (and perhaps this entire blog) is that once we extricate ourselves from the mindset that we MUST cum, it opens our range of possible experience and allows our masculinity to radiate its primal energy at a level unavailable to men who feel compelled to truncate that energy as soon as it arises by ejaculating.

Vibrator Training

I alternate between periods of extended cum denial and periods of allowing myself to ejaculate freely.  During a recent cycle of ejaculation, I consistently used a vibrator to bring myself to orgasm, experimenting with ruined orgasms.  I didn't have much success producing ruined orgasms (although I have more ideas for the next round), but I found it to be good training for the sex muscles.

The vibrator is shaped like a small dildo, which I originally bought for an unsuccessful attempt at prostate milking, hoping to empty my prostate during extended uncummed episodes. In this case, I used the vibrator like a violin bow, indeed playing the cock like an instrument.

The cock is a separate being who must suffer anything I do to him. He must suffer. He has no choice. I draped a bandanna around the cock to contain the mess (hey, one undeniable advantage of cum denial is that there is no mess to clean up) and found it also allowed the vibrator to move more freely across the surface of the cock.

I developed two techniques.

I would touch the vibrator to the hungry cock for a moment, then remove it. Each time the sex muscles tightened in response, I would consciously and deliberately relax them, practicing keeping the muscles in a relaxed state, suppressing their natural reflex to prepare for orgasm. This was a variant of the "Open Edging" I have discussed here previously.

In other sessions, as the urge to ejaculate heightened, I would allow the muscles to pulse or throb, reacting to the stimulation but holding back, again touching the vibrator to the cock for a moment then taking it away while the muscles throbbed. This was more an exercise in "Closed Edging" described earlier.

I would touch the cock in a different spot each time, sometimes stimulating different parts of the bulging cockhead, other times focusing on the "sweet spot" or just to either side of it. This had the effect of giving all the various nerve endings a workout. Sometimes I would do this in the dark, never knowing exactly where the vibrator would make contact. Sometimes I would watch (without bandanna) as the cock began to drip precum. The sessions lasted anywhere from five to forty minutes before I finally ejaculated.

These sessions never seemed to produce large amounts of semen, but I seldom do anymore as the neuro systems are focused on holding back. The stimulation from the vibrator is less nuanced than the direct manipulation by my hand, creating an experience reminiscent of an external partner working my cock, but still under my control.

Climax = Anticlimax

I am regularly asked, when I mention that I deny my ejaculation, "Don't you like to cum?" Well, yes. It's not that I don't like to cum. But I like NOT cumming more than I like cumming. I don't want the intense sensations to end.

My cock is certainly capable of cumming. He is neurologically hard wired to cum. Our culture has trained him to cum. But I now prefer to contain that energy. I can assure you Day 55 feels more intense than Day 45, which felt more intense than Day 35. I am not into austerity or chastity. My choice to deliberately deny my cum has nothing to do with self-reproach or "doing without." To the contrary, I do it for one reason only, and that is that it increases the intensity of sensation every time I edge.

You reach a point where you crave the edge more than you crave the orgasm. My cock, the separate being, wants to cum. But I don't want to cum.

The sensations build over the hours and days. An orgasm (a few seconds of intensity at most) brings it all shattering to an end. Fifteen seconds of ejaculation, no matter how powerful, cannot compare to the hours of ever-increasing sensations resulting from extended edging and cum denial.

Eventually the body breaks the stalemate and unloads itself, whether I want it or not. This eventual and inevitable ejaculation is never the intense blowout one might imagine. Contrary to what non-edgers tend to believe, the dissipation of that built-up energy never feels proportionate to the energy itself. We do not have the massive cums they imagine us to have.

Those unfamiliar with this will often say to me, "I'll bet you build up huge loads." Often just the opposite is true. The body gets so geared to holding back that it can't just open the flood gates.

I would urge you to abandon seeing orgasm as some sort of reward that is bestowed upon you when you have successfully deprived yourself long enough. Orgasm is a fifteen second flash in the pan, after which the party is over. That cannot compare to the intense highs available through uncummed edging. If this were not most certainly the case, I would shoot my load every day or two, and I would not waste my time writing these essays.

You reach a point where cumming becomes a disappointment, ending the exotic head trip and body trip that has taken weeks to build up. It is like an addict pulling the needle out of the vein.

When I have lost my load earlier than I wanted on an extended run, it is a feeling similar to panic. The orgasm is unwanted, and is always followed by a sense of disappointment and even depression. It is like my body has betrayed me. A hollow letdown. A few empty seconds that pales by comparison to the weeks of edging. The frustration of having to say "I am now on Day One or Day Two." The loss of all that built-up energy.

There is a degree of basic physiology at play here as well. Ejaculation depletes male energy. How many women have been frustrated when their man shoots his load and immediately falls asleep. Even as a youngster masturbating in my early teens, I felt a certain letdown when I came. Sometimes it felt like a depression, and I have heard many men describe a similar depression immediately after ejaculation.

I have often said I would just as soon never cum again. It is not worth the trade off. But sooner or later the cock unloads itself and for a long-term edger the climax is anticlimactic. Sooner or later it happens, so it might as well be later.

Cum-centric, Partner-centric Enculturation

We are products of our cultures, and often victims of it. Men do not wear skirts or makeup. (If they do, they are considered "crossdressers" to underscore their departure from the cultural norm.) Men can be seen barechested in certain public settings, but women cannot. If we wear the wrong fashion, we look dated.

We are strongly influenced by what those around us think and believe, and unless we consciously depart from the norm, our thoughts and beliefs mirror that norm. We live in a cesspool of shoulds, should nots, alienation and ridicule to quickly pull us back into the cage should we wander away from magnetic north. Our lives are a soup of arbitrary standards, while someone a continent away has a differing set of arbitrary standards and looks upon us as a bit odd.

I have blogged before about changing the paradigm from the goal of cumming to the goal of not cumming. It is the epitome of counter-culture. Our Western enculturation is totally cum-centric and no one questions it.

Movies are rife with sex scenes. Sex is a staple of TV programming. Yet none ever depict edging (or make G-rated reference to it), let alone denial. Not to cum is unheard of. The classic scene is the after-sex cigarette. Was it as good for you as it was for me?

I often chat online with men unfamiliar with the concept. Most cannot imagine it. "Don't you like to nut?" Even those who show an interest in the idea will often follow up with, "I bet when you do blow it is huge." There we go again, the cum-centric notion that sooner or later it all boils down to ejaculation, that the purpose of edging is to enhance the final climax.

I don't edge to enhance or improve ejaculation. I edge to prevent ejaculation.

My online friend Phill recently wrote: "For me a big part of edging without ejaculating has been de-conditioning myself from believing that 'horniness' is somehow a negative or unfulfilled state. I don't know why, exactly, but the overwhelming attitude of society - and one that's ingrained in males - is that sexual arousal is something to get rid of as quickly and often as possible. The biggest part of the discipline is learning to feel insatiability and constant horniness as a positive state, not as something that has to be 'relieved'."

Exactly. We are enculturated to understand that horniness is something to be gotten rid of. Make it go away. The prowl, the hunt, the conquest is all about making horniness go away.

I have watched many an Xtube video where, within the course of three minutes, someone starts out fully clothed, gives a strip tease followed by a quick masturbation, whereupon they blow their load. Three minutes. Most of these pump with a rapid, even frantic, stroke - no understanding that one might coax something more exotic from ones cock. They think they have accomplished something noteworthy enough to post for public viewing, and apparently most viewers agree, based on the comments and ratings these videos receive. I can only assume that after they turn off the camera, they clean up the mess and go in the other room to watch TV. The party is over, and the party is over quickly.

On those rare occasions when an Xtube video does not culminate in ejaculation, invariably commentators will post "Please cum for us next time." I have a friend who watches Xtube videos when he visits me. He easily grows bored with extended scenes of prolonged stimulation and fast forwards to the money shot.

Many summers ago, after a session with my very first boyfriend, I remarked that there was always such a mess to clean up after ejaculation, that I wished orgasm didn't involve the mess. He replied, "No! Then you wouldn't be able to cum." I am thinking, "Um, and your point would be?" But I didn't voice these thoughts. At the time, this had nothing to do with edging and denial, which were unknown concepts to me, but only a commentary on the physical messiness of the process. But it was an early introduction to the assumption that ejaculation was important and expected, an inextricable element of the sexual process.

When I mention my uncummedness to most men, the reaction often implies that something is wrong. At the least, my behavior is incomprehensible. This is based on the cum-centric mindset we have all been programmed to. We somehow learn that not to cum is a deprivation, and an unnatural deprivation at that.

More pointedly, this is a reflection of how our cocks control us. It is the cock that insists on cumming as often as possible. And our culture has eaten it up and made it part of our liturgy. The cock not only demands that we masturbate often, moreover it demands that we masturbate to orgasm. We have learned that anything less is tantamount to a violation, an abrogation of our male birthright to ejaculate. The cock continues to call the shots and control our sexuality, rather than us controlling the experience.

Edging and cum denial go counter to everything our culture teaches us from the time we are boys too young to understand what we are hearing. No wonder the exploration of these things can seem so freakish.

Asian and Eastern cultures would not find this nearly so odd. The ancient Kama Sutra advises a man to withhold his semen. Tantric yoga has been around for centuries, and cum denial is among its principles.

I enjoy watching Xtube videos of Asian masturbators, because many of them seem to hold back longer, are less obsessed with hurrying up the climax, less inclined to lose control of the process and let the cock take over. It is prevalent enough in Asian videos that I am inclined to believe it is a cultural phenomenon. I am particularly fascinated with a certain subset of Asian videos involving multiple orgasms. Just before ejaculation, the masturbator stops stroking (unheard of among Westerners) and allows a hands-free oozing of semen. In a moment they resume stroking. The cock remains stiff and aroused, because the cock is not finished. I've seen as many as four partial ejaculations in a row before the cock is spent. Somehow they learn this solo technique, as it goes counter to the reflex and impulse to get it over with, so presumably it is something communicated from one male to another.

Similar to the stock reaction I get from most men who discover I prefer not to ejaculate, when I mention my solosexuality, there is an implied suggestion that something is incomplete, just like edging without ejaculation is incomplete. Masturbation is something men do in the absence of a partner, at best a second rate substitute for a partner.

Watch enough Hallmark movies, watch enough TV, listen to enough songs, read enough books, browse enough magazines - hell, live on the planet long enough - and it becomes ingrained in us that we are to be partnered. Being unpaired is somehow a transitional state experienced along the path toward mating and fulfillment.

I recently heard the late Donna Summer's "Hot Stuff" on the radio. The lyrics go on and on about "Sitting here eating my heart out waiting" and "Don't want another night on my own." The entire song communicates how the absence of a partner is an empty void and we are in a state of suspension until we can hook up. We learn what we hear.

Masturbation is somehow a failure on some level, a grudging stand-in for the Real Thing. I have elaborated on this elsewhere in the "Solosexuality" essay and won't rehash it here.

End of sermon. I offer no particular resolution here or Moral to the Story, other than to propose that we at least be cognizant of the cultural influences that shape our sexual perceptions, the cultural givens that might not be appropriate for who we have become. We can broaden our spheres and assimilate practices that reflect our own unique needs and desires.

Two Nights Away From Home

It has never been my intention that this blog be an online journal detailing the minutia of daily life, numbing the reader with blathering accounts like, "This is what I did today. Man, it was so-o-o-o hot." Rather, its mission has been to present a series of essays on specific topics. This post represents an isolated departure from that structure.

I have often said my computer is a sex machine. Indeed, I upgraded my machine a few years back specifically because the old computer became inadequate to handle the multiple chat and cam windows that Yahoo Messenger required. I attribute first learning how to edge to the interruptions and rhythm imposed by online chat, clicking windows and buttons, typing in my text. It distracted me from the imminence of ejaculation. And so the computer became a central part of my sexual practice. God forbid the power go out.

On Messenger, I engage in cam-to-cam with other men and have a lengthy Buddy List I chat with. Over the years dozens of men have added me to their contacts and pull up my cam just to watch. I watch videos on Xtube. Still-photo porn may be old-school, but remains a favorite nonetheless. I participate in online groups and correspond by email. In short, I seldom masturbate away from the computer.

And so it came to pass that I recently spent two nights away from home in a hotel. I don't have a laptop, so this meant no access to my usual outlets. Just me and the cock. I was initially concerned that I might have difficulty controlling the edge, since the urge to ejaculate would be the only thing front and center in my consciousness.

The first evening went pretty well, although I only did about forty-five minutes. Spike TV happened to be showing Mixed Martial Arts fighting. Not to digress way off-topic, but MMA fights have a powerful sexual undertone that even straight observers might tap into. The testosterone is palpable. Two nearly-naked men engage in intense male-to-male interaction. Male-to-male intimacy. The interplay of dominance and submission is at the core of every match, which is also at the core of the "cock as a separate being" concept I have discussed here previously.

The second night in the hotel was when things really ratcheted up. No MMA on TV. The room was mostly dark, except for a bathroom light around the corner that allowed me to vaguely see what I was doing. I lay on the bed with no distractions. Just me and the cock, indeed.

An occasional erotic fantasy crossed my mind, but mostly I closely followed my own reactions, nuance, detail. I was acutely aware of my prostate and could feel my semen rising. Under this scrutiny and concentration, I could bring myself closer to the edge than if I'd had a computer or TV distracting me. I could bring myself right up to that point where I knew orgasm was imminent and I could literally feel the semen welling inside me. Even in the dark, I could tell I was heavily leaking precum, because its texture is different than the lube I was using.

A vivid image formed in my mind that I want to communicate to you. You know how you can fill a glass right up to the rim with water, then if you are very careful you can keep adding more water and the surface tension with allow the water to literally mound up slightly before eventually hitting a point of no return. That is what it felt like, the prostate filled to overflowing without overflowing.

To make this work required that I exercise what I consider to be one of the cardinal tenets of edging: deciding in advance that I do not intend to cum. Without that decision in the back of my head, I'd have succumbed to what 99.99% of men do.

I put in a good hour and a half, although not necessarily all of it was at the intense brink just described. I finally made myself stop and get some sleep for an early appointment, having already masturbated past my bedtime. (Ah yeah, guys, you know how that goes. You DO know how that goes.)

Well, you know what it's like trying to stay asleep in a strange hotel room. Before long I woke up, cock semi erect, the memory of my session calling for more.

Again, the decision at the outset that I did not intend to ejaculate. I was almost immediately at the edge, at the very verge of orgasm, and under any other circumstance would have had to stop. But the glass was full, and now I wanted to add even more water to the already-full glass.

I kept fantasy to a minimum, directing my focus instead on the events transpiring in my cock, prostate and sex muscles. I typically do not overstimulate what I call the "sweet spot," that trigger point on the underside just below the cockhead, often a hair trigger. But I eased alongside it, toying with the trigger, using an insanely slow touch, glacially slow, closer and closer to the trigger, closer and closer to orgasm. I knew I was dangerously close, just THAT close.

The glass welled up, I held myself in suspension, then another touch to the trigger, another suspension. The stickiness on my hand indicated I was leaking actual semen without the muscular contractions of orgasm, and without the lost passion of orgasm.

This was an extreme example of the "open" edging I have written about, a constant inaction to keep the sex muscles relaxed, a constant and conscious reversal of the sex muscles' reflex to tighten. I occasionally interspersed this with my normal technique of stroking across my cockhead and clenching down as the sex muscles reacted to my urging, the "closed" edging I have discussed before. But then I would return to the suspended open edging, holding myself in slow motion at that brink.

I continued this for fifteen minutes before deciding it was time to try and get some sleep. For one thing, the process was risky - I did not want to lose my load - not to mention exhausting. I lay there thinking this had possibly been the most intense fifteen minutes of my life.

The experience proved to be game changing (to use that now-cliched term). I could never have done this at the computer. There is simply no way I could have exercised that level of detailed control while fielding the distractions of keyboard and mouse and photos and chat windows and email reply buttons.

This strikes me as significant in respect to men who assume they can't edge, who tell me they have no will power, who can't conceive of not cumming, who can't imagine why someone would ever want to purposely prevent ejaculation. How often after your fifteen second orgasm do you ever say it was the most intense experience of your life?

But wait! There's more! (Call in the next ten minutes, blah, blah.) Horniness is power and I love carrying that energy with me throughout the day. But in this case, the next day I not only possessed the energy of horniness, but also a crystalline self-awareness of my prostate and internal sexual musculature.

Naw, I'm not about to give up my computer. I just don't have to be dependent on it. I have tried this routine again at home a couple of times. Nice sessions, but they proved not to be as intense as the one in the hotel room. (Sometimes the stars align, some sessions are simply better than others.) I see this technique as another tool in the toolbox, something to alternate with the more kicked-back sessions at the computer.

Mike V on Learning Control

Sometimes as a writer you read something and think, "Gosh, I wish I had written that." Such was the case with a post I saw recently on an online discussion group.

Newcomers to extended edging, after learning about the practice and deciding they want this, invariably face the hurdle of HOW to reverse a lifetime of ingrained patterns. One such novice posted, "I can use all the encouragement I can get since I've only been able to go for a week at best in the past. I have much to learn."

Another member, who goes by the handle "Mike V" posted a spot-on reply. He has graciously granted me permission to publish his advice here in its entirety:
________________________________________

There are two different ways that an edging man can miss achieving the goal of long-duration ejaculatory denial.

The first of these happens when he misjudges the point of no return and slips over the edge into an unintended but unstoppable ejaculatory reflex. If it happens, don't beat yourself up over it. The vast majority of us still have an accidental ejaculation from time to time. Don't view them as failures, but view making them fewer and farther between as successes. Edging is a skill that takes practice to master.

Meanwhile, try to hover a little less close to the edge until you learn better control. Also, keep all internal sexual and anal musculature consciously and completely relaxed while you are in this state. This is counterintuitive, but it will allow you to feel the very beginnings of any reflex and stop or slow stimulation in time to head off ejaculation. If you hold the muscles tensed in what amounts to being part-way into the first contraction, you'll miss the clues and be prone to accidents. Relax everything instead, then keep it relaxed while you learn to bask in the state of orgasmic bliss found just this side of the physical contractions of ejaculation.

The second way that an edging man can miss his long-term goal is when he lets the physiological drive to ejaculate overwhelm his good intentions to edge and deny. Drunk on desire, he gives in and says, "To heck with this! I'm gonna make myself cum!" This is not an accident. As a true failure of willpower, it makes the edger feel disappointed in himself afterward. If this is a problem for you as a novice edger, you're not alone.

One good way to train yourself away from the urge to give in is to practice stopping abruptly without regard to your state of arousal. Before each session, choose a firm time limit. You can either set a timer or watch a clock, but you must stop cold upon reaching the limit -- regardless of whether you're building toward an edge, on the edge, between edges, or haven't even reached an edge. When the time expires, hands off immediately, zip it up, and go about your day -- until your next session, anyway. These exercises will teach you that it's not about what you want at any given moment. It's about sublimating the short-term want for the long-term goal, and it builds willpower quickly.

Good luck with it.

Mike V

Open Cam

I've got a nice cock and sometimes display him on web cam.

I put him on open cam on Yahoo Messenger under the screen name show_joe_00.  I allow all viewers, and I accept almost all buddy list requests, so you can bud me and pick up my cam the next time I'm online.

Chatting while stroking is among my favorite activities, gets me hot.  But I have a few guidelines, and with the increasing visibility of this blog my boundaries become less and less negotiable.

  • I hate cliched chat.  The majority of messages I get repeat the same old.  Hi.  Hiya.  I want to suck that.  I want that in my ass.  If you have nothing creative to say, don't say it.

  • Here's another: "I bet you blow a HUGE load when you finally cum."  Uh, no.  It's not about cumming.  Period.

  • If you don't have a web cam yourself, don't expect me to devote much attention to you.  And don't tell me you're an 18 year old gymnast and expect me to believe.

  • Don't give me directions or instructions, especially if you don't have a cam.  (Why do men without cams feel entitled to direct those of us who do?)  Don't ask me to show ass/chest/face/feet or other body part of your choosing.

  • Don't interrogate me with a list of questions.  This is not an interview.  I'm masturbating.

  • Don't ask me if I'm a top or a bottom, a dom or a sub - I am all of the above, depending on my mood.

  • Don't bombard me with lengthy descriptions of how you're going to start at the cockhead and work your way down my shaft.

  • Don't ask me what I want to do to you (short answer: nothing, I'm solosexual)

  • Don't ask me to coach or control you, or give you instructions.

  • And most important, don't ask me to cum for you.

That last one is a deal breaker.  It should certainly not be your opening line.  I'm not going to unload for a stranger who messages me out of the blue.  I am an extreme edger and I like to stroke for hours, keeping the pleasure going on and on.  Asking me to cum runs contrary to everything I am about.

Having said all that, I am open to chat with real people who can have an intelligent and erotic conversation.  Man to man stroking is really hot.  Kink and taboo are hotter.  There's nothing I'd rather do than stroke and chat - just have something of substance to talk about.

If you send a buddy request when I am offline, realize I have more than one blog, so don't just say "I saw your blog" - specify Edging Blog, or I won't know which blog you are referring to.

For you trivia fans: Because of the camera angle I use, my cock often appears larger than he really is.  He is just six inches (15 cm).

Xtube Video

This is a 2.5 minute video I posted to Xtube edging my cock.  It was recorded with a webcam and the quality isn't going to win any prizes, but it demonstrates the technique I was using at the time.  Should you be interested, I have since recorded three additional videos - don't expect to see much variety (because there is not much variety).  A link to the other vids appears below.





My Xtube video page can be accessed at:

http://www.xtube.com/user_videos.php?u=showjoe

Frequently Asked Questions

You can write most of this off as irrelevant to the focus of this blog.  I include this FAQ, not because I consider it important, but because these are questions I regularly hear.

I'll bet you blow a huge load when you finally cum?
First off, the question indicates a certain disregard or incomprehension of what this blog is all about.  But no, after hours/days/weeks of consciously holding back my load, the body does not suddenly reverse itself.  The iconic concept of full balls is simply not true - if the body actually kept producing more and more and more cum, we would explode.

Do you eat your own cum/precum?
No.  It mixes with the lube I use and tastes unpleasant.  Lube aside, I've never had a taste for cum.

Speaking of lube, what do you use?
Astroglide.  The product changed my life.  Lately I will use plain old Glycerin in between doses of Astroglide.  Before discovering Astroglide, I used Corn Huskers Lotion (hand lotion with a good-old masculine brand name marketed to men who might otherwise be disinclined to buy lotion, but great for slicking down your cock - maybe the people at Corn Huskers know exactly what they are doing).  Once I get going, I leak a lot of precum and don't need to add much lube.

Are you open to controlling/training others?
No.  I've got my hands full controlling my own cock.

How big is your cock?
Six inches (15 cm).  Joe Average.  Because of the web cam angle I use, my cock often appears larger than he really is.  I have large hands - you would think that would make my cock look even smaller.

What about your other blogs?
I have two other blogs.
"Mind of the Exhibitionist" is a gallery of exhibitionists I have interacted with and thoughts about their mindset - http://ComplexMen.blogspot.com.
"Men of the Week" (no longer actually maintained weekly) displays impulsive male exposure that is now virally available - http://MenOfTheWeek.blogspot.com.

Why is the URL of this blog (showjoe00.blogspot.com) named for the author and not something more specific to its topic?
Not a frequent question, so I'll ask it myself.  The blog began life in 2006 as a narcissistic venue called "Show Joe's Cock," secondary to my webcam activities and discussing how I worked my cock.  By the time it had evolved into a short course on edging and denial (and thusly retitled), the URL was already established on the internet and I thought it counterproductive to abandon it.

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